February 2012
7 posts
Story of my life:
me: omg lets be friends
person: ok
*never talk again*
January 2012
29 posts
mom: come down for dinner
me: ok
five minutes later
mom: I SAID COME DOWN FOR DINNER NOBODY EVER FUCKING LISTENS TO ME IN THIS HOUSE YOU GUYS DONT APPRECIATE ANYTHING
me: ok *goes to the kitchen* wheres the food
mom: oh its not done yet
At Heaven's gates when I die:
Me: Am I good enough, God? I tried my hardest to be the kindest person out there. I went to Church every Sunday and I donated to charity. I volunteered at a soup kitchen every Christmas and gave all my toys to the homeless as a kid. I tried my best... So God, was I good enough?
God: Hm.. Well it says here that on January 22, 2012 you did NOT reblog that picture of a baby with cancer. How dare you. You have no soul. DAMN YOU TO HELL.
mom: come down for dinner
me: ok
five minutes later
mom: I SAID COME DOWN FOR DINNER NOBODY EVER FUCKING LISTENS TO ME IN THIS HOUSE YOU GUYS DONT APPRECIATE ANYTHING
me: ok *goes to the kitchen* wheres the food
mom: oh its not done yet
At Heaven's gates when I die:
Me: Am I good enough, God? I tried my hardest to be the kindest person out there. I went to Church every Sunday and I donated to charity. I volunteered at a soup kitchen every Christmas and gave all my toys to the homeless as a kid. I tried my best... So God, was I good enough?
God: Hm.. Well it says here that on January 22, 2012 you did NOT reblog that picture of a baby with cancer. How dare you. You have no soul. DAMN YOU TO HELL.
Girl: I'm depressed.
Society: Stop begging for attention.
Girl: I cut myself.
Society: Stop begging for attention.
Girl: I want to die.
Society: Stop begging for attention.
Girl: Commits suicide.
Society: I wish we could have helped her before it was too late.
girl: sir can i go to the toilet
male teacher: no you cannot you know the rules wait until the end of the lesson, how dare you ask such a question when you know that all toilet trips must be taken at breaks and lunch, i can not believe you would jeopardize your education for something that can wait one more hour, you ungrateful child
girl: but im having girl issues
male teacher: omfg go
roses are red
violets are blue
will you make out with me
no why are you running away
gym teacher: come on more
me: i exercise enough
gym teacher: really what do you do
me: i run
gym teacher: do you
me: yeah a blog
my teacher: where is your homework?
me: can i promo you instead
parents: can we use your computer for a minute
me: wipes internet history deletes bookmarks changes passwords changes desktop wallpaper encrypts all folders installs internet explorer opens it up at google
me: yeah sure here you go
Kid: why do we have to learn this
Math teacher: because fuck you
If Harry were from Tumblr...
Hagrid: Yer a wizard, Harry.
Harry: You're*
Mom: What time did you go to bed last night?
Me: That information is confidential.
Watch0pt1mus-prime:
sluttasticc:
juliandeguz:
ourbabekidrauhl:
ev4nescent:
boxmans-girlfriend:
part-the-red-sea:
fenixorden:
I’VE BEEN TRYING TO FIND THIS FOR AGES
OMG IM LAUGHING SO HARD XD WHAT IS AIR?
omgg
Reblogging again just because this is the funniest thing ever.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAAHAHA omfg. poor kid
HAHAHAH...
Teacher: So what was break like?
Other people: Fun, dude, like parties and stuff and hanging out and getting drunk whoop.
Me: Sitting in my house all day and rarely leaving and crying over fictional characters and how beautiful they are and watching movies and TV shows and marrying my butt to my bed and crying over how flawless celebrities are. Oh and I forgot the main hilight: eating so much that I probably gained 8 pounds.
Whenever I want to start homework
Tumblr: Get in loser we're going blogging
me: i'm cold
guys: shut up and stop complaining
cute girl: i'm cold
guys: here take my jacket you beautiful little thing let's cuddle to transfer some heat to your precious little body so you don't get frostbite oh dear lord let this child be warm
Teacher: why did you fall asleep in class?
Me: sorry I was up all night fighting with grey people on the internet who don't appreciate how awesome I am.
no one: wow i really like you
child predator: I have candy come in my van
me: no thanks
predator: I have wifi come in my van
me: ok
Teacher: What did you do over the break?
me: sat in my room on tumblr and ate all of the food
Meeting my favorite band member
Me: will you sign this?
Them: sure
Them: wait, what is that?
Me: a marriage certificate
Them: but.. I..
Me: TOO LATE, YOU SIGNED IT
December 2011
147 posts
Friend: So what's your tumblr url?
Me:
Friend:
Me:
Chair:
Earth:
Space:
Universe:
Black Hole:
Me: no
How teens and adults text:
Expectations:
Teens - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff
Adults - What are you doing today? Want to hang out?
Reality:
Teens - Hey! What you doing today? Want to hang out?
Adults - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff
friend: i got an A on my calculus test
friend: i got a hot boyfriend
friend: i had so much fun partying this weekend
me: one time i got four notes on a text post i made
friend: *sees picture of favourite celebrity* oh, they're quite good-looking!
me: do you think so
me: do yoU EVEN KNOW WHO THEY ARE
me: DO YOU KNOW WHEN THEIR BIRTHDAY IS
me: DO YOU KNOW THEIR MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME
me: HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE OF THEIR PERFECTION AND SCREAMED AT PICTURES OF THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE SO STUPIDLY BEAUTIFUL AND FUNNY AND WONDERFUL AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT YOU DON'T CARE REALLY BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST PLEASED THEY'RE IN THE WORLD
friend: what
me: nothing i have a cough, yes they are good-looking aren't they
Biology Teacher: So the sperm is surrounded with glucose
student: you mean semen is like sugar?
Biology Teacher: yeah basically
me: doesn't taste like..
Biology Teacher:
me:
student:
Biology Teacher:
me:
student:
me: whoops
walks into chair
me: sorry
chair:
mom: let me see your blog.
me:
me:
me: *throws computer out of window*
me: what blog?
When I see something bad happen to the person I...
sleighruto:
CLICK HERE FOR MORE FUNNY POSTS I DIDNT MAKE BUT JUST REBLOGGED BUT IT TOOK A LOT OF EFFORT TO REBLOG AND ADD “FOR MORE FUNNY POSTS CLICK HERE” AND LINK TO MY SHITTY BLOG SO I DESERVE THE CREDIT AND A MILLION FOLLOWERS FOREVER ALONE CHALLENGE ACCEPT ME GUSTO
