January 2012
29 posts
Meeting my favorite band member
Me: will you sign this?
Them: sure
Them: wait, what is that?
Me: a marriage certificate
Them: but.. I..
Me: TOO LATE, YOU SIGNED IT
December 2011
147 posts
Friend: So what's your tumblr url?
Me:
Friend:
Me:
Chair:
Earth:
Space:
Universe:
Black Hole:
Me: no
How teens and adults text:
Expectations:
Teens - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff
Adults - What are you doing today? Want to hang out?
Reality:
Teens - Hey! What you doing today? Want to hang out?
Adults - wut es up! wut r u doing 2day? want 2 go & do sum stuff
friend: i got an A on my calculus test
friend: i got a hot boyfriend
friend: i had so much fun partying this weekend
me: one time i got four notes on a text post i made
friend: *sees picture of favourite celebrity* oh, they're quite good-looking!
me: do you think so
me: do yoU EVEN KNOW WHO THEY ARE
me: DO YOU KNOW WHEN THEIR BIRTHDAY IS
me: DO YOU KNOW THEIR MOTHER'S MAIDEN NAME
me: HAVE YOU EVER CRIED BECAUSE OF THEIR PERFECTION AND SCREAMED AT PICTURES OF THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE SO STUPIDLY BEAUTIFUL AND FUNNY AND WONDERFUL AND THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE BUT YOU DON'T CARE REALLY BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST PLEASED THEY'RE IN THE WORLD
friend: what
me: nothing i have a cough, yes they are good-looking aren't they
Biology Teacher: So the sperm is surrounded with glucose
student: you mean semen is like sugar?
Biology Teacher: yeah basically
me: doesn't taste like..
Biology Teacher:
me:
student:
Biology Teacher:
me:
student:
me: whoops
walks into chair
me: sorry
chair:
mom: let me see your blog.
me:
me:
me: *throws computer out of window*
me: what blog?
When I see something bad happen to the person I...
sleighruto:
CLICK HERE FOR MORE FUNNY POSTS I DIDNT MAKE BUT JUST REBLOGGED BUT IT TOOK A LOT OF EFFORT TO REBLOG AND ADD “FOR MORE FUNNY POSTS CLICK HERE” AND LINK TO MY SHITTY BLOG SO I DESERVE THE CREDIT AND A MILLION FOLLOWERS FOREVER ALONE CHALLENGE ACCEPT ME GUSTO
facebook: omg so thankful for my family this year merry xmas :)))))
tumblr: happy birthday jesus u was a real nigga
everyone else: i'm getting an ipad and a laptop and $300 worth of clothes and...
me: MASTER HAS GIVEN DOBBY A SOCK
tylerthecaretaker:
i put the ‘sex’ in ‘registered sex offender’
When someone hot walks past
most-awkward-moments:
and you and your friends are like:
Give yourself a break from all the stress and click here!
For Christmas, I am giving everyone air from my...
fuckyeahlaughters:
wowfunniestposts:
Get the Best Medicine here :)
me: hey babe you're like a fallen angle
girl: you mean angel, right?
me: no angle....because you acute-y pie
girl: oh
me: i mean damn girl you be looking RIGHT
girl: ok stop
me: you got my dick doin a 180
girl: bye
person: I like supernatural
me: you do??
person: my brother did the weirdest thing last week
me: but we should talk about supernatural
person: so how was your day
me: supernatural
operator: 911 what's your emergency
me: im hungry
africans:
ok ok i just thought of the funniest idea
ok what if someone signed up for club penguin and like
said something offensive to get banned?? then took a screenshot of it and put it on tumblr??? HAHHAHA like calling someone “nigga” or something that would be so funny
someone should do that
do you ever follow someone and immediately regret it but you don’t want to unfollow them straight away because they’ll think it’s just because they didn’t follow you back or WORSE they DO follow you back and it becomes this whole big like ethical dilemma but then you remember that it’s just a blogging site
me: im so lonely jesus fucking christ i wanna go out with friends i wanna do something i can't sit here anymore
friends: hey wanna hang out
me: sorry i cant
